Win 2 Tickets To Electric Picnic - Winner Announced!
In the final run up to the biggest weekend of the summer, this week we are going to give away 2 free tickets to the big weekend in Stradbally in Co. Laois featuring Bjork, The Beastie Boys , LCD Soundsystem, Derrick May, The Elektrons, a 24 piece Samba Band from Paris and Fossett's Circus. Plus a few other bits'n'bobs.....
To win a double pass to Electric Picnic , it's really simple . Just tell us a joke. Rude, crude, light, heavy, slim or fat - whatever you want to post it's all up to you.
You can enter until 3pm Thursday and all you have to do is post up your joke in the 'Comments' section below this . Down there on the bottom left of this screen . Simple as that really, you can stick up as many jokes as you want, we'll stop the competition at 3pm on Thursday and announce the winner at 6pm.
For more Bodytonic new click here.
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what do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
nacho cheese
you can close the contest now- nothing beats my nacho cheese joke
I joined a dating agency, went out on loads of dates but nothing worked out.
I went back to the woman who ran the agency and said: "Have you got someone on your books who doesn't care what I look like or what job I have and has a nice, big pair of boobs?"
She checked on her computer: "Actually, we do have one, but unfortunately its you."
I was going to write some wordplays for this competition instead of a normal joke. I'd picked out 10 of my favourites, hoping one of them would make people laugh. No pun in ten did.
Did you hear about the hippy who drowned?
He was far out.
Two hookers were standing on a street corner ready for a night of business.
"It's gonna be a good night tonight, I can tell" says one of the girls.
"How can you tell?" says the other.
"I can smell cock in the air" replies the first hooker.
"Sorry", her friend replied, " I just burped!"
Knock Knock'
Who's There?
Dishes..
Dishes Who?
Dishes the Police come out with your hands up in the air...
Q.whats the fastest bun in the world?
A.scone, scone again.
A man walks into the doctors with a strawberry stuck in his ear.
Doctor "That looks sore do you want some cream for that"
Started my new job last week with the Samaritans, phoned up this morning to say I was sick and wouldn't be in. The f*ckers talked me out of it!
Jelly-bear calls to his family doctor. He stands infront of him and pulls down his pants to show the doctor his jelly-genitals.
The doctor is absolutely disgusted and asks: "What the hell have you been up to?"
Jelly-bear replies: "F--king All-Sorts man!"
what's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
stephen hawking after a house fire.
2 Cannibals start eating a Clown, One turns to the other half way through and says; "Does this taste funny to you"
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.
"Tiny" replies the man.
"Why's that?" asks the bartender.
"Because he's my newt!"
A man walks into the Doctors one morning, Doc says;" i havent seen you in ages", the man replies i know ive been ill...
A sausage an egg and toast walk into a bar and order drinks, barman says sorry we dont serve breakfast..
What's E.T. short for?
Because he's got little legs.
why did the mann get kicked outa the KKK,?
coz he was black!!
Two cows in a field. One cow turns to the other an says "MOOO" the other cow goes "oh my god i was just about to say that!"
Q: What do you call an alien without any eyes?
A: Alen
yo moma soooo fat.... she needs a really big belt!!
This morning on the way to work I rear-ended a car
at some lights whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out.. he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy"...
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
Knock Knock,
Who's there?
Alex,
Alex who?
Alexplain later now let me in.
ralph- is your father the police chief??
What's Mr. T's favourite yoghurt? Pity Faloo!
What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
Ans: You can beat an egg but you cant beat a wank!
sure is... u'd think with fame like that id be able to pick up a ticket
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
Hitler and Goering are arguing about the Jews. Goering says that they are very clever people, but Hitler denies it. Finally, Goering tells Hitler that he'll prove it's true if Hitler is prepared to disguise himself and come shopping with him. Hitler agrees, so they both disguise themselves and go into Berlin. Goering takes Hitler into a shop, goes up to the counter, and asks the German clerk: "Do you sell left-handed teacups?"
The clerk stares at Goering for a moment, then says, "No, mein Herr, we do not."
The two leave the shop and Hitler complains that he doesn't understand what Goering is doing. Goering tells him to be patient and takes him into another German shop, where Goering asks the clerk again: "Do you sell left-handed teacups?"
As before, the clerk stares at him and says: "No, mein Herr, we do not."
They leave again and now Goering takes Hitler into a Jewish shop. He goes up to the counter and asks the clerk: "Do you sell left-handed teacups?"
The clerk smiles politely, goes into the back room, makes a show of rummaging around, then brings out a saucer and teacup, sets the saucer down and carefully places the cup with the handle pointed so Goering can pick it with his left hand.
"There you are, mein Herr!" the clerk says.
Goering buys the teacup, thanks the clerk, and leaves the shop with Hitler. Once they're outside, he turns to Hitler and says: "See, I told you the Jews were very clever people!"
"I don't see what was so clever about that," Hitler snaps. "He just happened to have one in stock!"
that's bollocks about the pen by the way, it's not gravity that makes the ink flow, it's the friction between the paper and the ball-point that makes it flow, so a ball point pen will work in space. sorry to be so pedantic, but tHat little story really grinds my gears, cos people always think they're so focking smart when they tell it.
Kerbcrawler in a Lada pulls up beside a hooker and asks her 'How much ?'
she says €50
He gets out of the car and says 'sold !'
A man comes home from the pub to see his wife lying on the bed with her legs wide open and a pair of crotchless knickers on
She smiles at her husband and says 'Hello darling, would you like some of this?'
He says 'You must be bleeding joking.. Look what it's done to your knickers?
What do you call a man with no arms?
Sh--ty-Ass!
A man walks into a burger place and orders a meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the burger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."
How do you know if there's an elephant in your fridge?
You'd see his bicycle parked outside...
How do you define an extractor-fan?
Someone who used to like tractors!
Three nuns were assigned to paint a room in a church. It was a really hot day and the nuns were getting really hot in those black clothes they wear so they took off all their clothes and went on painting naked. Later they heard a knock on the door....
"Who is it?????", The man who knocked replied, "I'm the blind man".
So, the nuns decided to let him in since he would not be able to see them. The nuns let him into the room.... The man then looked around the room, then looked at them and said, "nice tits sisters, where do you want the blinds?"
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Protestant Minister are on a cruise. Suddenly the boat begins to sink. The Protestant Minister yells, "Abandon ship! Women and children first!" The Rabbi says, "Screw the children." The Priest then replys, "Do we have time for that?"
Did you hear about the man with no ears? No?
Neither did he... Ba dum tsss.
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!!!!!!"
why did the fly fly?
because the spider spied her
An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote, “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”
“But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Runipe!
Runipe who?
(That one's for anyone who'll be suffering from E-POO at the weekend!)
A Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub. They proceed to each buy a pint of Guinness.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"
Why dont't Irish Women use vibrators?
They chip their teeth
3 different girls are interviewing for a waitressing job.
All 3 are asked the same question: If you found a wallet, what would you do?
1st replies: Well, I'm in serious debt, so, I'd keep it.
2nd replies: I'd have a look for the owner but if I didn't find them I'd keep it.
3rd replies: If I didn't find the owner I'd leave it with the manager to hold onto.
Which girl got the job?
Ans: The one with the biggest tits, obviously!
what do you give God for christmas?
Omnipresents.
Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? A: Mace will do that to you...
''old Dj's never die they just get lost in the mix''
why did the dead chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.....
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t."
A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender, irritated, says, "What'll you have?"
The duck says, "Got any pickles?"
The bartender spits and says "We don't have pickles here, We serve drinks. Now get out!"
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.
The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, "Got any pickles?"
The bartender, irritated, says, "I told you yesterday we don't serve pickles here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!"
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out.
The next days the same duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks: "Got any pickles?"
The bartender, infuriated, POUNDS his fist on the bar and yells at the duck. "I told you two times we don't serve pickles here, we serve drinks! If you ask me ONE MORE TIME, I'm going to nail your beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!"
With that the duck shrugged, hopped off the stool, and waddled out.
The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked: "Got any nails?"
The bartender, puzzled, said "No."
The duck then looked him square in the eye and said, "Got any pickles?"
Like the duck and the politics jokes... :D
A little boy says to his mother: 'Mammy, Mammy, when I grow up I want to be like Roy Keane'
She replies, 'You can't do both, son'!!!!
What's Ronan Keatings favourite car?
A Chitroen Shaxon.
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.
The wife turns over and says, 'I'm sorry honey, but I've got a gynecologist’s appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
This time he whispers in her ear, 'Do you have a dentist's appointment tomorrow too?'
(Amendment to comment #44 above- you have to say this one out loud)Knock knock! Who's there? Runeep! Runeep who? (That one's for anyone who'll be suffering from E-POO at the weekend!)
2 dyslexics in a car one turns to the other and asks; can you smell petrol? the other answers; smell petrol, sure i can hardly smell my own name..
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed.
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
By removing his batteries!
Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
"What size?" asks the clerk?
"Gee, I don't know."
"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the
crotch, and yells, "Medium!" The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and
leaves quickly.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4.
Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!" The guy struts over to the register, pays,
and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
"What size?" The kid embarrassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't
know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him
and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"
A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the
best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened...but then
they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song
came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke
out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail. In court the next week,
the judge asked the best man what happened.
''Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride
between the legs.''
''That must have hurt,'' said the judge.
''No kidding,'' said the best man. ''I broke three of my fingers.''
''You might be a Redneck if..
You have ever been accused of lying through your tooth''
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey,
Pop! What are you doin'?"
His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that
gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."
"What's Ronan Keatings favourite car? A Chitroen Shaxon"
LOL ! if i was the judge, this would be the frontrunner :)
Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday Mass when he suddenly felt
nauseous.
"Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!"
She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the
lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody
will see you."
So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he
returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his
young face.
"Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"
"I didn't have to go that far, mom.
Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE
SICK.''
What is the definition of ultimate rejection?
Your hand falling asleep while masturbating.
Why don't blind people go skydiving?
Cause it scares the s--t out of the guidedogs
Why dont blind men skydive? Cos it scares the sh*t out of the dog.
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!"
He replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table.
The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fukin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs.
She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fukin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away.
Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the French fukin’ toast."
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
WTF?
Why do none of the animals at the zoo have pain killers? Because the parrots-eat-them-all...........
How do you stop kids from playing on your lawn?
Rape one of them!
What's the biggest cause of pedophilia in Ireland? Sexy Kids.
What do you get when you cross a pirate and a paedophile?
Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhh Kelly
Why did the Bananan go to the docter?
He wasnt peeling too well.
How do you cok a monkey???
Ya Gorrilla!
Guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter and sees
it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.
He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it.
He approaches the bartender and asks. "What's up with the jar?"
"Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?"
Pay first, those are the rules." says the bartender. So the man gives him
the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.
"OK," the bartender says. Here's what you need to do:
First, You have to d rink that entire gallon of pepper tequila, the whole
thing, all at once...and you can't make a face while doing it.
Second, There's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You
have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.
Third. There's a 90 year old woman upstairs who has never reached
orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her."
The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot, I won't
do it!
You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those
other things..."
"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."
As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks,
"Wherez zat tequila?"
He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears
streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.
Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained up and soon the
people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside.
They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping
and then silence.
Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into
the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his
body.
"Now," he says "Where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"
What do you call an Irish Rasta? Padlock.
This morning on the way to work I rear-ended a car
at some lights whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out.. he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy"...
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
A Irishman walking through a field sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.
The Irishman shouts "Na ol an t-uisce, ta sé lan de chac bo" (Don't drink the water, it's full of cowsh*t.)
The man shouts back "I'm English, speak English, I don't understand you".
The Irishman shouts back "Use both hands, you'll get more in."
did you hear about the magic tractor?...It went down the road and turned into a field!
How do you cook (not cok) a monkey?
Ya still Gorilla.
Okay I nearly choked at some of them jokes. like rape one of them? holy sh*t yiz are gone mad. love the ronan keating and the blonde and flashlight ones. i'm in the library and I'm crying at some especially the random ones. Loads from google jokes, you know who you are people....
in retort to Nortons #86 joke regarding a certain magic tractor....
Did you see the film about the Magic Tractor?
No, neither did I, but I saw the trailer for it!
Back in the Swinging Sixties, Michael Caine is holding a big showbiz party in his swanky new house. Everyone who's anyone is there - top stars from the worlds of movies and music, fashion and art. There's a feed of pints, the best wines that money can buy, oysters, champagne, Lennon and McCartney are helping themselves at the bar, Jim Morrison and his band are sitting on the couch singing "Light My Fire", and over in the corner, George Peppard's getting very palsywalsy with Sophia Loren. All's going really well, until Jim Morrison decides he's bored out of his skull, and wants to go home for an early night curled up with a good book.
"Oi, Jim," objects Michael Caine, "party's just got started. How's about I get one of 'the ladies' to take you into the spare bedroom for a bit of the how's yer father?"
"Fair play," nods Jim [well that's not his exact words, but you get the gist], "as long as she does the rest of the band, too."
"Not a problem, Jim," smiles Michael, as he pulls a young dolly bird in close and whispers some instructions in her ear.
Half an hour and four blowjobs later, the young lass is just wiping her chin, when in walks Ringo Starr from the Beatles.
"Alright, luv?" he drones, "don't suppose you fancy extending that service to me, do you?"
The young woman thinks about this for a second, then says "What the hell!" and proceeds to unzip Ringo's fly and get to work. Ringo's having a grand time, until, mere moments before the end, the door flies open and Michael Caine bursts in. He grabs the young one by the back of the hair and slaps her hard across the face!
"Wh-what was that for?" she whimpers.
"I told you," Caine snarls. "You're only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off..."
A piece of string walks into a bar and orders pint, the bar man says "sorry, we dont serve pieces of string in here". So the piece of string turns around and walks out the door.
Outside the bar, he ruffles up his hair until it's compltely out of conrtol and all over the place. He then turns around and walk back in and sraight up to the bar and orders another pint.
The bar man pauses and looks at him suspiciously. "are you the piece of string that was in here a minute ago?" asks the bar man.
And the piece of string responds "No I'm a-frayed-knot".
What did the number 0 say to the number 8 ?
Het nice belt!
If you think life is bad. How would you like to be an egg?
* You only get laid once.
* You only get eaten once.
* It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Only 2 minutes to get soft.
* You share your box with 11 other guys.
* But worst of all.... The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother
Two cannibal clowns are eatin eachother...one turns to the other and says...
"does this taste funny to you?"
The other day I saw a man playing Dancing Queen
on the Didgeridoo.
I thought, that's Aboriginal.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed over. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
"My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.
"There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my arse."
Doctor: "I've got some cream for that!"
A blind man makes his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After
sitting
there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a
blonde
joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you
tell
that joke, sir,I think it is only fair... given that you are blind, that
you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional
weight-lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now,
think
about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and
mutters,"Nah...not
if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Surely that's the best joke!!!!
I was walking down grafton street yesterday and I heard a busker playing dancing queen on a digeridoo. It was very abba-riginal.
A girl is at the check-out in a supermarket. The guy at the cashier swipes through 1 apple, 1 pizza, 1/2 loaf of bread, 1/2 litre milk, birds' eye dinner for 1, etc. The cashier smiles and says to the girl: Are you single? The girl replies: How did you know? The guy replies: Because you're f--king ugly!
two snowmen standin in a field...one turns to the other...
"can you smell carotts?"
Why did the rabbit get lost in the woods ?
Coz Jungle is MASSIVE !
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and suck his dick!!
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork????
Kermit the frogs finger
Three little ducks go into a Bar..............................
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.
"My name is Puddles."
Two men walked into a building. You'd think one of them would have seen it.
Now they're gonna make me do paging on the comments because of all your crap jokes!
what did the man say to the elephant on his roof?
get off my roof
Shut Up
If my pants aren't at my ankles, don't open your mouth!
A dislexic walks into a bra.
What's the hardest thing about learning to rollerblade?
Telling your dad that you're Gay.
Why do women fake orgasms? To give the impression that they have reached sexual climax.
What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you've already told her twice.
reading over 100 jokes is gonna be so not funny for somebody in bodytonic. if it gets anymore replys the winner wont be announced till next wednesday. mad.
One day in glendalough woods there was a gazelle bouncing around the gaff when he bumped into a panda. The panda was rolling a joint so the gazelle approached him and said ‘Ah would ye not give that stuff up, itl make you impotent and forgetful, follow me and we’l bounce around the woods and have a great laugh together’. Reluctantly the panda agrees and the two of them go off to venture through the woods happy as larry.
A few miles down the road the pair bump into a kangaroo who is lining up some coke. Shocked the
Karen
does it come with last minute flights from Melbourne? :)
What do you say to a Dub in Croke Park in September?
2 hot dogs please
(yeah i know i'm hanging around culchies a bit too long now)