1) You really don’t need to wear fuck me boots when you’re already carrying a duvet under your arm.

2)The beauty of a festival is the random conversations you have with strangers that you meet. And then you meet these two…

3)Pity her fractured arm, pity her dress sense and pity the fact that she will never be able to enjoy a beer and a cigarette together at the whole festival.

4) Sure I’ll give you a lift, you say, no problem. And then ten miles down the road he’s still singing My Bloody Valentine and the girls are taking it in turns to puke into a cup and you wonder, why didn’t I just speed off?

5) She may look like a butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-her-mouth kind of mother but I bet that sandwich is full of magic mushrooms and her teacup is half vodka, half mescaline.

6) It’s day three. They managed to get nine hours in every night. They have those rehydration pills so they don’t even have an inch of a hangover and then, to rub it in our faces even more, they put on their fluorescent white cut-offs. People like this should be banned from festivals.