In terms of layout and design, it’s almost flawless - split over two, er, mininal levels, one side offers great views over the Spree. The main floor with a capacity of about 300 features the now famous (and often poorly imitated) full roof LED lighting system (by Room Division, fact fans) while the slightly smaller downstairs has a small but rocking dancefloor, a bar and plenty of seats to crash out on.

This being Berlin, Watergate also has a tight door policy, with numerous people turned away every night, although this is not as arbitrary or intimidating as Berghain. Expect to queue early in the night and for the bouncer to engage you in conversation to suss you out your suitability. Don’t be overdressed, leave your male friends in the bar and be sure to know who is playing, their forthcoming releases and their kinky habits. If you decide show up in the early hours, they only charge you €5 admission. Nice.

Sounds: The soundsytems on both levels are impeccable, but on peak nights, there is only one sound – techno (well, house, techno, minimal... you know what I mean). Although Watergate began life as a club with a more varied music policy, it eventually succumbed to the ‘Berlin effect’ and now features the ubiqutous soundtrack. If you like that sort of stuff, the line-ups are impressive with one recent weekend hosting the Oslo/Raum labels (Johnny D, Sascha Dive, Miss Fitz) and Audiomatique (Donnacha Costello, Patrick Chadronnet). Things tend to get more varied earlier in the week.

Talent: There are certainly plently of ‘talented’ people here. These punters are cool but are also friendly. Berliners certainly have their own style and the ‘elegantly wasted’ Bar 25 look - which involves looking stylish and cool without any expense - is common. Unlike many, or maybe even most cities, the fact that these people are slim, look great and have super cool angular haricuts does not in fact mean that they are up their own arses. Almost eveyone will speak perfect English while always claiming ‘my English is not very good’.

Toilets: The back of each floor in Wategate has a number of toilet cubiles which you are more than welcome to hang out in with three of your friends or even strangers, as that is what people in nightclubs like to do.

Goodies: As you are no doubt aware, Berlin clubs open crazy hours... well actually no, they don’t open crazy hours, they open at 12:00 and don’t close until the last straggler leaves. In this scenario there are obviously plenty of goodies on the go. You will find everyone dancing for at least five hours, but no-one asking for anything, which means they probably already have something, which they might probably share with you if you ask nicely. Bitte.

Icebreaker: ‘Would you like a glass of champagne?’ (A bottle costs €28 in the downstairs bar.)

Jawbreaker: ‘Those fuckin’ lights are shite.’

By Paul Tighe.

The Collection - Not if you were the last club on Earth:

[Loop - Tokyo](http://www.bodytonicmusic.com/words/2008/dec/30/not-if-you-were-last-club-earth-loop-tokyo/?

Matter -London

Sam's - Kathmandu

Robert Johnson - Frankfurt

Fabric - London

Le Regine - Paris

[Razzmataz- Barcelona)(http://www.bodytonicmusic.com/words/2009/jan/07/not-if-you-were-last-club-earth-razzmatazz-barcelona/)

The Sands - Amsterdam

Golden Gate - Berlin

[Sankeys - Manchester] (http://www.bodytonicmusic.com/words/2008/oct/17/not-if-you-were-last-club-earth-sankeys-manchester/)

Mecca - Prague

Womb -Toyoko

Berghain - Berlin

Cielo- New York